sobriety
i.
i tried to be less dead today
out of the grave and into the garden
by noon i was thirsty and called
sam with the beard from the meeting
sam says drinking is a window
looking out past yourself
if sam is right (and he always is)
then sobriety must be a mirror
all morning i stared at my face
i didn’t think much of the view
ii.
a day never felt so spacious
i remember sam said to stay moving
i made some coffee and ate an orange
i smoked cigarettes and read a novel
i went for a run and did some sit ups
i made a salad and wrote a letter
but all the music sounds different
and this dark chocolate barely works
please lord don’t remind me
this fight is one day at a time
iii.
i can’t tell you about the drinking
unless i tell you about the past
i don’t want to tell you about the past
because then you’d see me shake
sam says shaking is the point
feed the fever until it breaks
but why does caving seem inevitable
now that the morning light is gone
why have i only read of resurrections
in certain books i got for free